I’m going to share my experience this past summer when 4 Goddesses came forward to assist me through the muck and messiness that comes with living a dual existence. In the beginning of the summer I had gotten fired from my bread and butter job.
While it was sad, I had been strongly considering stepping down from my position as supervisor to go back to the good ol’ times of less responsibility. My employees were challenging in some not so ideal ways, and the contradictions and head butting that came with enforcement of company policies just made me want to scream.
It was a bit of a shock to be fired. I didn’t despise or loathe my job or the company I worked for, I just felt I wasn’t cut out as management. I walked out of there with tears in my eyes but a strange weight had been lifted off of my back. Just weeks prior, I had to leave early to go to urgent care after having signs of a heart attack. Turns out it was just job stress.
I had to sit in a very hurt state. Not only was I grieving the loss of a job, but I was also battling with an already painful time of year. The summer months I tend to have more downs when it comes to high anxiety days. I reminisce about not so pleasant experiences from working on commercial fishing boats in Alaska. The experience left me with anxiety, depression, and symptoms of PTSD.
I had started to see a soul contract become fulfilled with someone in my life as well. The contract was painful, and I felt cornered and vulnerable. I didn’t feel like I was being helped.
So I had a normal human reaction, I lashed out in fear. I lashed out towards people who couldn’t understand what was happening. What would happen to the savings I had finally started to build up? Would I be able to make rent? Can someone please help me? I’m scared.
I sat in that as the fear kept dragging me further and further into a dark and dangerous place in my mind. At one point, I had even wondered what the point in living was at all?
That was when I met Sedna.
The Goddess sat in the dark depths of the northern oceans. Her hair growing tangled in the constant motion of the water. She looked and felt familiar. It almost felt like I was looking at an old reflection of myself.
The encounter was brief but I began to grow curious about the name Sedna, having never heard it before. Sedna is an Inuit Goddess. Her origin story varies in how she ended up in the kayak with her father. Most say she fell in love with a man and went to live with him only to find out he was a Bird God. Her father came to rescue her in his kayak and when they escaped, the Bird God created a powerful storm that raised the sea.
In fear, Sedna’s father threw her overboard in an attempt to calm the sea. When she tried to climb back into the kayak, he chopped off her fingers. Her fingers grew into the marine mammals, and Sedna was swallowed by the ocean living at the depths.
She lived alone, being visited only by shamans coming to comb her hair and ask for a seal or a whale for their village. Sometimes she would abide, other times she would not.
I saw too many parallels in my life with Sedna. Especially with the raging storm I was going through and the dark depths I seem to have sunk into.
The darkness also brought forward another Goddess, Styx. In Greek mythology the river Styx ushered souls to the underworld, yet not many realize that the guardian of that river was a young Goddess.
Where most envision eerie blues and darkness for the Greek Underworld, Styx is actually very light. Her form is fluid, but her face is round and young, her hair long and white moving like a river. Her eyes are the only dark part about her, yet she maintains an air of etheric innocence. When I tried clinging to the old way of thinking and being, old relationships, and old paradigms of thought, I realized Styx as by my side, gently guiding me to a more divine flow. When I felt that death was an option, she took the old me that needed to die with her. Her only words to me, “Death is Innocent.”
I hadn’t been craving to truly die, only to let the old me flow away. After I surrendered to the flow of the river, Styx sent me down a fork in the stream, taking what no longer served me the other way.
Now I sat with an empty space. I had all of this time I could easily spend watching tv on my computer and not moving towards my dreams. Yet the urge to create became overwhelming. Oceana, the 3rd Goddess who came forward, is a Goddess whose existence created the land and birthed the first beings with her song. Her energy was loving, light, and maternal.
Connecting with her was expansive. She created a sacred space for me to sit and truly feel what I desired. Her heart was nurturing, and working with her was a reminder that I am co-creator of my reality. I can heal and be healed. I can focus my energy and intentions to create the life I had always dreamed of.
You see, I had never taken the time to think about what my dream life looked like, especially after embracing my intuitive gifts. I knew I wanted to be a mermaid in mind, body, and spirit, and help others do the same.
In this space of creation I was able to fine tune my intentions and create retreats, classes, and offer private readings. I was able to transform my mindset from lack to abundance, and learned how to create when fear attempts to grab me. I had help. I had the amazing assistance of an intuitive life coach and Abundance coach, Benir Pierre, who helped nurture and encourage me in this creation space. In the span of months, my business was sitting established. I had started to see income.
The last Goddess who came forward was Aphrodite. While most associate her with sensuality and romance, she came forward to show me that it’s ok for me to do things that are enjoyable. It’s ok for me to indulge in what life has to offer, and it’s ok for me to sink into the physical experience that is being reflected all around me.
She also showed me the beauty of my journey through this last summer. All the gifts that came with the muck. It was a painful experience in all honesty, but what came out of it was beautiful. I had been handed manure, I was covered in it. It smelled, it was ugly, and I didn’t want it. Yet, as Aphrodite pointed out, instead of focusing on the fact that I had manure what I decided to do with it led to the creation of so many opportunities. I used the manure to plant seeds and nourish those seeds. In time, they began to sprout and grow.
What came out of it was a flower unlike any other. It was my essence. My tears had watered it, my ambition tilled the soil and mixed in the nutrient rich adversity, and I was able to stand, still alive, with dirty hands and sweat on my brow, admiring the bloom of my soul.
What’s beautiful is this is only the beginning.
Feb of 2018, I will be hosting a 4 week class introducing each Goddess in depth and teaching students how to incorporate their energy into your everyday lives. These 4 are exceptionally powerful, with energy that is incredibly cohesive, when facing adversity and offer stoic empowerment to help ease you through life's challenges. To find more information about the class, you can follow the link here or email firstname.lastname@example.org